Magic is how we begin
As a priestess of the Goddess of Love, one of the ways I playfully help people explore the meaning of Love in their lives is through love spells. I take Love very seriously, but because the concept of love spells are already familiar to many people, it is a way to begin, that can feel familiar and safe, while opening up a path for magic to happen. Love spells can be prayers, meditations, self-development, setting intention, or acts of devotion to hope and life. They can also be real magic.
The Ethics of Love Spells
First off, a discussion of magical ethics. Love spells are about Love, not control. We always respect people’s consent. Therefore, casting a spell to influence a particular person to do or feel a particular thing is completely off the table. So no, we can’t make your ex fall back in love with you, or Angelina Jolie date you. Besides, unethical love spells are not only largely ineffective, but they do as much or more harm to the caster as they do to the targeted person. Casting a spell on a particular person (as many a young practitioner discovers) really just makes you have an obsessive attachment to that person. It does not end well.
An ethical love spell guides the boat of your life into the wind that will blow it to the desired destination. It helps you let go of what gets in the way of the type of love you need, and helps you open to the path forward. Its as much an act of cooperation with personal growth as it is a charm to help reach a desired place. It also makes room for the universe to use the multiplicity of possible futures and options instead of only the ones you can imagine.
Preparation – Letting Go
I have often cast love spells with people who think they have some huge barrier that keeps them from having the romantic love that they need or want. These are my favourite folks, because the resulting change is often dramatic and beautiful. We have a conversation about what they believe their blocks and barriers are, and I craft a ritual with them that they can do on their own over a period of days to consciously let those barriers go.
It doesn’t matter if the barriers are systemic (or unfair)
- I have a disability or medical condition that makes it hard to date
- I am coming out as a queer person and have never dated anyone of my target gender before
- I believe I am too old
- I have a body type that isn’t most people’s cup of tea
- There are no compatable people in the place where I live
- I have never had a successful long term relationship
- I am unloveable
- I don’t think there is anyone out there for me
- My last relationship was awful, I think my picker is broken
Magic is universal. It is hope and it is the exception, not the rule. I have seen love spells for people with all of the above barriers work, and work beautifully.
The type of ritual I suggest is based on my professional assessment of how big a challenge this barrier is for the person (I’m a trained professional therapist, so I do have the ability to make some educated judgement here). Generally it involves clearing a space for hope, and opening to the idea that things can change. Symbolic action, taken consciously, can often move mountains. I will write more on some common cleansing spells in future, so you have an idea of what this involves.
Casting the Love Spell
Symbolic Meaningful Action
Magic is taking symbolic action, in a manner that feels sacred and present for you, to achieve a goal. It’s as simple as that. One of the simplest ways I help people create a love spell is to help them figure out what action will be meaningful to them, and hold space for them to take that action. If it’s helpful, I can do full priestess of Love and create ceremony.
A simple love spell
One of the simplest spells I do is borrowed/adapted from one in a book called Grandmother of Time. We take two taper candles, one representing the person seeking love and the other representing the potential beloved, who is a general set of qualities, not a specific person. The ‘stage’ is set, whether through casting a circle, calling directions and calling on the Goddess of Love as in the Wiccan tradition, or just setting up a special table, getting grounded, and reaching out to whatever helpful forces are meaningful to you – a God or Gods, a belief in Goodness or Wholeness, Hope.
Then the two candles are set at either end of the table in holders, and lit in turn, with a conscious setting aside of any doubt and just letting those candles ‘be’ the people they symbolize. We watch the candles burn, beautifully, together, and then after awhile, move them about a third of the way toward one another. Then let them burn down some more. After awhile the candles are pinched, snuffed or blown out (blowing out isn’t really ideal from a Wiccan standpoint, but it’s okay if that’s what’s possible). Then the person repeats the grounding, lighting and moving parts of the ceremony on their own at home on a succession of at least three nights, until the candles are right next to one another in the same holder. on the last night, the candles are allowed to burn until they are completely out, in a blended pool of wax.
If you do another kind of symbolic action, do it in a similar way, mindfully, over time, with devotion.
Releasing the spell to work
The next step is to take a tiny piece of the blended was and release it in a living body of water like the ocean, a river, or a stream. Why water? Because water goes everywhere, and each body of water is connected to all other bodies of water in the world. To release magic into one body of water distributes that magic everywhere. If you can’t access a natural body of water, into a stream of running water in your sink will also work. Dispose of the remainder of the wax in a way that feels respectful to you.
Again, if you are doing a different kind of spell, make sure you release the magic in a way that works for you, into the world. Let it go, and will yourself to trust that it has happened, and happened well.
Trusting in the Process
Now the spell is done. The act of completion, of bringing you and your beloved together has already happened. There is no way to undo it, you can just surrender to it. One of the ways of indicating your cooperation with your good is to be nice to then next three or so people who come into your life romantically. These are not ‘the answer’ to your spell, they are just an opening. Be kind to them, go out on that date, even if you aren’t interested. You don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to, and certainly trust your gut about what feels safe and okay, but allow yourself to go. The third person (or thereabouts) who you connect with will be the person you have cast for, although it will not be clear at the time whether they are the third person or not.
May all beings be and hold love.